Because You Can
September 21, 2010 · Posted in Parenting · Permalink

Last weekend was Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday also known as the Day of Atonement. It is a day for meditation and introspection about one’s behavior and attitudes over the last year.  It is a time to recommit to forgiveness to self and others.  This year one of the things I thought a lot about is the lament, “Why is it me who has to…” Fill in the blank:  take the first step toward resolving a conflict, be the one to apologize first, bring up the hard topic. We all can think of situations with children, spouses, parents and friends where we get lost in that resentful and hurt place.

As I examined and reflected on this attitude of mine, exaggerated as it may be, I had an answer come to me. It truly felt like the veritable light bulb going off over my head. The answer to “Why is it me who has to…?” was “Because you can.”

Simple words, but such a powerful idea. Because I can, because I can. It turned the feelings of frustration and powerlessness and victim mentality into a sense of grounded strength and generosity. If you can be the one to reach out first, or take the lead, then do it. The other person just may not be able at that time. Not out of defiance or not caring, but just because they can’t at that moment. So if you can, let go of resentment, get over yourself (in a kind way) and just make the move. Because you can.

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Comments

  1. September 21st, 2010 | 10:08 am

    Ah, what sage advice!

    Thanks, Lisa….

  2. Michele
    September 21st, 2010 | 9:54 pm

    So simple, yet so powerful, and so true!!!

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